Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
