According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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