hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
