if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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