Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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