you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
40s are totally the cure
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
