i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
