I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
