Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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