Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
