sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
