btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's the barista slut.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
