Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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