Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
