i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
