dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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