Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
