Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
