dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
