I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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