The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
