Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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