I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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