Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
