Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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