he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
