Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
