When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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