I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
