Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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