Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
