he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
