i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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