maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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