thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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