Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
