Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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