3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
