Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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