all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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