I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
