Don't you send me to vm
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to make out with him forever
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
