Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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