I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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