Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
