You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
