Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
