she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
