But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
