Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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