I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
