I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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